Some people may look at my life and think that I’m perfect, that I’ve got it all, or that I’m “Wonder Woman” because of all the stuff I’ve been through. When I look at my life I see I’m weak, I’m worn, I’m broken and full of falling and failings before my Lord!
There are those times in our lives when God gives us the opportunity to reflect… in my case, a busted rib that has tied me down from work and life in general. I have had my moments of tears, anger, frustration and begging towards God. Life seems too hard to handle… I looked at my recent past, my present and my future with a big “WHY!!??”
I tried to pray, tried to understand, tried to see… and it just wasn’t happening. I tried sorting things out, making things work in my mind… but it didn’t work. I tried reaching out to friends and family, and though I got wonderful support, I didn’t get what I needed.
In the early hours of this morning I could do nothing else but reach for my Bible… again. And you know what? I discovered an amazing thing!
I read Psalm 139-143… every one of them prayers… complaints before the Lord… even specifically mentioned as such!
“I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble.” (Psalm 142:2)
So you know what I did? I prayed every one of those chapters to the Lord in my heart. In each of those chapters was complaining, despair and frustration, a complete pouring out of the achings of the heart! But also in each of them was the reminder of God’s presence, care and knowledge of exactly what was going on inside and out of the writer.
I have begun to feel the frustration melt away… it’s not that everything is solved right now, or that everything will be perfect and rosy starting tomorrow, or that I know what is supposed to happen next! But I know that now it is in the right hands, as am I!
I am so thankful for those precious early morning moments. It was SUCH a blessing! I’ve learned a valuable lesson over again, and that is when my heart doesn’t know what to pray, let God put the words in my mouth.