The Problem with Possibilities and Relationships

Okay, it’s possible I could get in some “trouble” for this, but I’ve pretty much been sitting on this thought process for weeks. (I will be completely honest and say that I believe differently than most women in that the problem with many relationships and perspective relationships today are NOT primarily in the men’s department!) 😉

I may be long-winded a bit, but please bear with me a moment…

1. The Pre-concieved Problem

There are so many writings and teachings on how courtship/dating/relationships should be, and do you know what?? MOST of it is NOT BIBLICAL!! To be completely honest, there is NO biblical blueprint for how a relationship should work, other than that it is to be founded and ordained through Christ. There are SO many stories of God bringing people together throughout Scripture, history and testimonies of today that seem so bizarre, random, and in ways that no one would ever think about!

I know couples that have been blessed to meet through church, at the local grocery store, at conventions, on dating sites, and yes, one even found his wife by seeing a picture of her in someone else’s photo album! NO ONE can say in any of these cases that God did not work and did not bring them together. Why? Because there is NO SET WAY to have a relationship! God is a God of creativity, and I truly believe that nothing delights Him more than making a creative love story between a man and a woman with Him at the center.

Women especially have a tendency to hear something that seems the safest way to get a solid Christian husband, and will stick with it, and any other way is wrong. And yes, I’m speaking about ultra-conservative courting. The truth is, because of the iron mindset of those that follow this teaching, they miss out on many opportunities God brings their way to grow and learn and even possibly develop a relationship! There is no perfect way to do this! I was even dear friends with a lovely Christian young woman that followed all the steps in the “conservative courting manual.” Her and her husband’s family were both solid, conservative Christians, and their courtship was picture-perfect and beautiful. But not even a year into the marriage she was killed by her husband. You can set up as many safeguards and rules as you like, but it will not stop things from happening.

Being flexible and just following God’s lead and keeping Him as the foundation as He allows things to happen is always the best way to go. Don’t have a set way in your mind, just let go, be moldable and let God! He loves to mold blue and red clay to make purple!!

2. The Pattern Problem

Let’s be honest… how many of us have had a “list” for our future spouse? Most I’m sure! This also poses a problem for us for many reasons… first of all is because again, never in Scripture are we commanded to make a list… we ARE to seek Christ first and His righteousness, and know that all things will be added to us as He sees fit. Have you thought about the fact that if we are 100% focused on God and His leading in our lives, we will be 100% the person our spouse needs? Instead of looking around and seeing how this person does or does not fit the bill, we should be looking at ourselves and seeing how we line up with God’s word.

Secondly, our lists are not realistic for time… most of us have on our list attributes that most of the time only come from having been married for years. They are things we see in our parents or other godly married couples that we want in our marriage. Realistically, many of these things may be in our spouse in small part when we get married, but not nearly to the effect we want because that comes simply from BEING married! In truth some things are only learned by being in a marriage relationship for some people! My uncle had a list, and looking at the list to any unmarried person it was an amazing and godly woman he wanted to marry! And we would congratulate him on his list! My mom read the list however, and said, “Um… you know you’re wanting to marry a woman that has been married ten years, right??” He had to stop and REALLY think about it! When he finally let go of his list, he found an amazing and godly woman to marry… and you know what? She had very few of the things on his list!! But now… almost 30 years later… she has EVERYTHING on that list!!

Third, our lists are actually hypocritical! Listen carefully, as I don’t want to be misunderstood on this part… Reverse that list on yourself for a moment. During basic, everyday life, what are you like?? Do you have moments you’re angry? Mess up? Fall back into some struggle you *thought* you had conquered years ago? Areas you are stricter than your parents or church in? Not as strict? Are you different this year than you were last year? ARE YOU HUMAN???

This is the whole thing that gets me a little frustrated more than anything else I think. When we meet someone, and they are amazing, and seem to be lining up with our list, but then something happens, and we start to doubt whether or not they’re “the one,” take into consideration that God grows different people in different ways at different times! I had three friends, all three struggled in areas of modesty, the movies they watched and the music they listened to. Over a period of a few years, the Lord worked in each of them in ONE of those areas before anything else! So since Maggie still struggled with music and dress, but no longer watched movies that dishonored the Lord, do I say she’s not following the Lord like she needs to and thus should not be my friend? NO!! The Lord is working in her in those areas she needed it most! Not the areas I thought she needed most, but what God knew she needed most! The SAME THING IS TRUE IN A RELATIONSHIP!! We are learning each other. We are learning our strengths, our weaknesses, the ways we can encourage each other and the ways we can pray for each other! Being in a relationship and marriage is being a team and helping EACH OTHER!! Pretty much the main thing that should stop a relationship as far as differences go is doctorinal differences and the ways you would raise your children.

Small personal example: When I thought I was getting married, the man I was with wanted his kids to be able to celebrate Santa Clause. To begin with I REALLY wasn’t sure about it!! Was it a deal-breaker?? But then I started to realize… my parents started us out that way! It only took a few years for them to realize that they didn’t want to do that with their children because they felt like they were lying to them, so they stopped. My parents had been married, learned how to compromise, and it didn’t break their marriage, even though one of them hadn’t wanted to do so from the beginning! God gave me a peace about it, because I knew relationships are founded on a relationship with God and compromise and understanding for and towards each other.

Again, give God room to grow! You have areas you are not right in and need growth in, and SO WILL YOUR SPOUSE!!! It’s part of how God beautifully brings people together!

3. The Problem-Solving Problem

So I’m going to talk to the girls here a little, because this is a HUGE problem I’m seeing on SO MANY levels… And I’m afraid I’m unable to clearly explain it here… We women often complain how the men are not being men and stepping up or stepping forward… or how after we’re in a relationship they are failing to lead. Yes, that is a TINY part of the problem. But give me your ear a minute as I explain something, and please listen all the way through…

We are not allowing our men to be men! I mean, YES!! We want them to be men and lead, but look at this scenario a minute. We as women are designed to be helpers. We WANT to help and support and encourage men! This is good!! God created us that way! But we get in a relationship… we begin to get to know a man, and we’re excited, and they’re excited and everything seems to be going well… but then something happens, we’re not sure what, but they aren’t being as open as before, or things come up that cause us to wonder if they’re problems… But we are unaware that as we get to know him better our natural tendency to help kicks in. When he says or does something we know we can help him with, we jump in sharing ideas and thoughts! They are TRULY GOOD thoughts and ideas, and he loves them!! But… because we feel we are being helpful, we continue to “help,” unaware that the more we are “helping” the more we are “showing them” how they aren’t doing things the best way or that they are lacking in an area.

I was just listening to someone talking to her boyfriend the other day, and as they talked she got quiet and thoughtful, and then she said, “Well, I don’t know if you meant it this way, and I’m sure you were unaware of it, but this is how you came across…” and she proceeded to tell him how he had failed in his communication and how he could do better. Now, before you jump all over me for this… yes, she did it in the sweetest way possible. BUT… it happened several times over the course of the week. The fact is, she KNEW what he meant, but she was being “helpful” and correcting him, trying to “fix” him to be a better man. Is it no small wonder that he is struggling with his sense of ability and value as a man when he is being “helped” and “fixed” almost every time he does something questionable or unclear? Then this brings up other problems!! It was JUST THE TWO OF THEM TALKING… so there was no need to clarify unless she genuinely didn’t understand. And this is just one example of many I could give. Wordings like “I wish you ….” or “Do you think next time you could…” can cause men to feel under par or like they’re failing if they hear it a lot!

Now, this isn’t to say we shouldn’t bring up stuff like this ever, especially if it is needful, but it should ALWAYS be prefaced with prayer, and if it’s something the Lord can do without “our help,” give it to him and wait and see what He does with it! If it’s a decision that needs to be made, give your thoughts, but in such a way that he is able to make the decision. We women many times are super creative and imaginative, so we can talk things through in such a way that our idea would naturally sound better… BUT we women, as much as we may not like to believe it, ARE DECEIVED much easier than men. For him to be able to lead, we have to give room for him to make unbiased decisions and recognize that he is the one leading in the friendship, the relationship, and ultimately the marriage.

My parents have learned through the years to be open to each other’s opinions. Even though we all know my dad has the final say, he takes my mom’s view into consideration. But one thing she has shared with all of us daughters is that the more she tries to press any issues, the more complicated their relationship gets. It is only when she is open to allowing him to lead, giving her opinion over to the Lord that she has complete peace in following my dad. Think about it! We trust God enough for the salvation of our very lives! Do we also trust Him to be able to lead and open the mind of our husband/suitor to follow God’s will?

4. The Prospecting Problem

How did you get to become best friends with your best friend? How did you become friends at all? Did you size up the person, have a list of questions and if they answered them all right, THEN and ONLY THEN you allowed yourselves to become friends?? Goodness no!! The most BEAUTIFUL relationships I have seen were those that were started simply by being brother and sister in Christ, then friends, then best friends! It happened NATURALLY!!! There was no forcing, no pressure… just being friends! This enabled them to realize who each other was as a brother or sister in Christ, and how important God was in a relationship. It also helped them to realize their value as friends. Last, but not least, it enabled them to be at a point where, when it was time, they were truly marrying their best friend.

It’s not that complicated people! 😀


What IS God’s Will?

For most of us one of the main aspects of our Christian life is trying to discern and find out God’s will. Oftentimes we hesitate when it comes to different aspects of living out our faith because we “don’t know what God’s will is for our lives.” In Hebrews 11:1 God tells us “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” If we could see forward and know each step in “God’s will” for our lives, where then would be our faith?

This Moment

Living by faith most often comes when we do NOT see the path ahead. One common strand in all walks of life in Christ is that it is filled with times of uncertainty, trials, waiting and times of what we view as “dead ends.” If this is one of the most common factors of a walk with Christ, does it not bring to light that this is one of the most common ways God leads His children?

Looking through scripture starting in Genesis, we see in literally EVERY story some person or persons at a point in time of their lives where they have no clue as to the path that lies ahead. Each had a day in time where they had a choice to make as God showed them one step or asked obedience in one area. Moses had no idea that when he headed back to Egypt that he would be leading around a complaintive and faithless people for forty years. Gideon had not the slightest inkling when he surrendered to leading the army of Israel that he would be tested even further by cutting that army to a mere 300 men, and then that they would defeat an army of thousands before they drew a sword! Time won’t suffice to tell of Abraham, David, Jonah, Ruth, Joseph, Paul, Timothy, Peter, Mary and SO many more, but it’s safe to say that none of these could “see God’s will” for their future lives. They had the promises of God, and His commandments in addition to the common sense He gave them, but outside of that they had no idea of the path before them.

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105 Sometimes God shows us the path, and this is what we generally think of when it comes to discovering God’s will for our lives. However, many times God’s will for us is simply the lamp at our feet. We see where we are standing, and as we step forward we see the next step, but the path ahead remains in obscure darkness. God’s will is not what will happen someday in the future, but rather where He has us today and at this very moment.

God's WillWith this in mind, how would that change the way we live out our moments of today? If this very moment in our life IS God’s will for us, would we change how we are living it? The best way to know if we are walking in God’s will is to examine our own hearts and minds and see where our focus is. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God; and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Oftentimes walking in God’s will is not about knowing what is ahead and how we will walk through it, but spending today examining ourselves, surrendering our body, mind, will and emotions fully and completely to the Lord and opening ourselves to His cleansing and sanctifying power.

As God opens up the doors of opportunity to serve and work in any capacity, we are responsible to be diligent in “whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” (Ecclesiastes 9:10) Even during the seasons of waiting, uncertainty and trials in our lives, we are not to be idle. As an example, a good waiter in any restaurant will be faithful in the little tasks that come simply by existing in the place where they have been placed, and they will be especially attentive to seek the desires and fulfill the wishes of the patrons. Waiting effectively is to be attentive to the ways we can remain faithful and diligent in our walk with the Lord, and as we are consistent in this we will discover that we are indeed living out God’s will for our lives.

If God’s will for us were something other than what we are living right now that means one of two things. Either we are in the wrong place, or God put us in the wrong place… and as God makes no mistakes, we know the latter is not true. “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7) Again, God’s will for our lives is not somewhere in the future or how we will spend the rest of our lives, but rather the very moment we are living right now.

May we each open our hearts to the Lord and ask these questions:

-Am I depending on faith or sight to walk in God’s will for my life?

-Am I living God’s will for my life this very moment?

-Is there anything hindering from this moment being God’s will for my life?

-Am I willing to change what God shows me so that this very moment I am living in IS His will for my life?

-Am I willing to accept God’s will for today as His will for my life and leave His will for tomorrow in His hands?

But What if I DON’T Want to Get Married?

Or even if I did… this still applies!

Only One

Growing up in the Conservative Christian  Church (CCC) I have listened to all of the teachings about being a daughter at home, waiting for my husband and then becoming a keeper at home in my own home. I have been around countless girls that talk about that magical day sometime after they graduate when they get to experience the bliss of marriage and become a keeper at home, a wife and a mother. I listened to young women talk about their struggles of desiring marriage and being content at home while the Lord had them there. I’ve listened to women tell of their quest of contentment and satisfaction in singleness and finding the Lord as their fulfillment even though their heart’s deepest desire was to have a husband and children…

Yes, I’ve been there in those circles, done that whole sympathetic listening routine. But for me… it was different…

Don’t get me wrong, there were times I thought about, “Yeah, it’d be nice to get married someday.” Or “When I get married I want/hope/would like…” But for the most part, no. I didn’t truly DESIRE marriage. To be completely honest, there were times I almost was vehemently against the idea! There were multiple reasons for this, but I’ll just list a few of the main ones:

I didn’t like change. I would be fine and dandy for things to stay as they were. Change is difficult and challenging and stressful! Every time I’ve experienced change in my life it wound up being worth it, but it was also hard beyond belief and a lot of work physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I was scared of sex. Yes… it not only scared the stuffing out of me, I thought it was gross and just… COMPLETELY undesirable! Sex and physical intimacy is being greatly abused in our churches today by their continual pounding out that it is WRONG and a SIN and WICKED and UNHEALTHY… then in tiny print… “outside the bonds of marriage.” I was one of the victims of becoming so terrified of all the BADNESS of sex that I completely skipped over the part that it is GOOD and BEAUTIFUL and ENJOYABLE and something that God intended SHOULD BE DESIRED after marriage!!

I didn’t want to be chained down. Let’s face it, there is SO much a single Christian young woman can do! So many ministries, job opportunities (even if I limit it to home businesses), friends and family to visit and help out, education experiences… SO much to do and so many exciting things to experience! Why on EARTH would I want to give all of that up to be stuck at home? And just sayin’… it’s not against Scripture to go to college or work outside the home if God leads in that direction… Seriously! Try to find it in the Bible! I’m willing to bet it can’t be found!

I wasn’t interested in the job description. The whole, “stay at home” wife and mother outlook didn’t appeal to me. In the LEAST. I didn’t like housework, I didn’t like children (with the exception of my younger siblings and the children of close friends and family) and I didn’t like the whole “meek and mousey housewife” picture CCC portrayed. (And before I get jumped over about that statement, please finish hearing me out!)

I couldn’t fathom being bound to ONE person for the rest of my ENTIRE life! Marriage is such a PERMANENT thing… not only was I VERY apprehensive about living with one man for the rest of my life, I also doubted ANY man’s ability to deal with me for the rest of his!

And the list goes on! I felt like I was the only girl on the planet that felt this way, and I was constantly living with a nagging guilt in the back of my mind that I wasn’t what I was supposed to be. There were points in time where I honestly tried to step out and become what I thought I should be (or what the CCC thought I should be) as a woman, but it generally ended in frustration. I just didn’t like it and didn’t want it! So there was something majorly wrong with me, but guess what? I got to the point where I just decided God would give me the grace to approach each step as it came.

Now, there is nothing wrong with that mindset, but after the past few months I realized my life and walk with Christ isn’t to just walk in the grace Christ gives me for the things I have a hard time with. That’s a big part of it, but God is a GOOD God! He DESIRES to give GOOD gifts to His children! He WANTS me to enjoy, desire and look forward to what He has for me in my life, and His plan for me as a woman is truly beautiful!

My problem is that I didn’t know what God’s plan for me truly was! I want to share my reason why, and Lord willing one of these days I’ll write a series of articles to cover each of the topics I listed above as the Lord leads.

I didn’t understand God’s TRUE biblical plan for womanhood.Not the only Biblical Role

Being raised in an ultra-conservative setting, I as a girl was instructed and taught from an early age that the pure purpose and goal of biblical womanhood was that of a wife and mother. The role of keeper at home was the “holy grail” of conservative Christian women world-wide! Now, this IS one of the biblical roles for womanhood, and a beautiful one! But it’s not the only one!

The problem is this… we as a Conservative Christian Church took ONE biblical concept that was pure and good and made it the primary focus of women. We created a list of rules, regulations and expectations to help us achieve this pinnacle of womanhood, and called them doctrine! I am being blown away over and over by discovering things I was raised with as being “scriptural teaching” are NOT SCRIPTURE!! In truth, they are nothing more than concepts and commandments of men taken from or based on Scriptural principals. This isn’t anything new, as even Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for it. Keep in mind, the majority of the Pharisees were TRULY pursuing a godly life, but they became trapped in the methods of men, just as we all do!

“Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.

“Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

“For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do.” – Mark 7:6-8

While it is true, there are portions of Scripture that teach about women and what they are to do and be, it’s not only a wife and a mother! I won’t go into great detail, but honestly go read through Proverbs 31:10-31 and just see ALL THAT WOMAN DOES!! She’s an entrepreneur, creative, vibrant, known for her good work, not just the keeper at home! She is also the backbone of her home and because of her strength, wisdom and diligence she is known among the merchants in the city and her husband is known in the gates. (Think about it, that verse isn’t thrown in there randomly! Her husband would be known because of his success physically, spiritually and emotionally, which is greatly due to having THAT woman in his life!) This didn’t happen suddenly after she got married y’all! This has been a work in progress God has been establishing in her life for YEARS! Also, in Titus 2 it talks about how women are also to be teachers and multiple times in the New Testament women are noted for following Christ and ministering with Him, for Him and to Him.

Side note: a recent thought that boggled my mind was this… Did I ever learn that every man’s main goal and purpose in life was to be a husband and father? No I didn’t! Yes, it was a goal, but it wasn’t the pinnacle of manhood! Because of Paul and other men in Scripture that did great things while being single, men have a few more “options” in God’s will for them! But back to my main thought…

I as a human being LOVE lists! I like being able to know exactly what’s going on and exactly what I need to do. However, God doesn’t work that way. If He did, I wouldn’t have the blessings of FAITH and TRUST in my relationship with Him! The whole concept of faith is walking forward, following God’s leading and being a wise steward in where I am WHILE trusting Him to bring me where I need to be. I spent most of my life worrying about what God’s will was for my life, and I totally missed out on the truth that God’s will for my life is RIGHT HERE where I am and RIGHT NOW in my life. If I am honestly pursuing my relationship with God and drawing nigh to Him then I AM in His will for my life! The main reason I am missing out on God’s will for my life is because I can’t even see that I am IN IT!!

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33

Who I am as a Woman

God’s plan for me as a woman is the same as any other child of His… to seek Him first in every area of my life and to be sensitive to His leading. There is no cookie-cutter role for women, because He created each one to be an individual and to serve Him in a specific way and specific areas. There may be similarities because He created women with several main similarities, but He did NOT create every woman the same!


What it all boils down to is the HEART. It may be a wife and mother, it may be a daughter at home, it may be a teacher to children every week, it may be a writer, it may be a laborer, it may be any number of things! But the one thing I do know is that as long as I am seeking Him, where I am and where God leads me IS what His will is for me as a woman of God.


When He Calls Me to Walk on Water

This morning I was reading in Matthew 14 about when Jesus walked on the water out to His disciples in the boat in the storm, and how Peter walked out to Him. I’ve read this story one hundred times and yet it has never hit me with the impact it struck me with this morning. I saw how this very story happens in my own life.

In the midst of all the craziness and “storminess” of fears, temptations and uncertainties around me, Jesus approaches me, giving me the desire to go to him, in spite of how crazy and impossible it may seem to myself and those around me. But that desire is there. I Want to walkWANT to walk into the storm because I know that is where He is. Yes, it is scary and there are so many things, the wind, the waves, the pelting rain, SO many things that can distract me from drawing nigh to the Lord. But at the same time I can see how if ever I become distracted with the wind and begin to sink, the Lord is RIGHT HERE to reach out a grab me and pull me back to my feet. And it is all simply because he loves me. He WANTS me to come to Him, He WANTS me to be willing to walk onto the stormy sea because many times that is the only way He can continue to grow me in my faith and trust in Him and bring me to the place in my life that He wants me to be. He never leaves me alone in those stormy seas and is always just ahead, encouraging me to draw nigh, but at the same time is right beside me when I fall.

Also the Lord has been showing me how even in the thickest of storms, He gives me peace and confidence, because I know it is His will for me to walk on the waters to go to where He is leading me. The story of promisesAbraham has been on my mind a lot lately, and I can’t help but think about how many times he had to walk forward “into the stormy seas” by faith to follow where the Lord was leading him. Think about how many times the Lord called Abraham to step forward into the impossible! Going places and doing things that seemed impossible to not only Abraham, but also those around him. Yet, at the same time, Abraham stepped forward in faith, and the Lord led him through all of the unknown into His fulfilled promises to Abraham, precious and beautiful promises that only He could have fulfilled.

And kind of as a side note: I’ve been talking to a good friend recently about how it seems every time God is doing something amazing in my life the fears and temptations seem to increase. I truly believe this is because whenever the devil sees a person or situation with a lot of potential for glorifying and honoring the Lord, he tries to throw them off with doubts, fears and temptations… all of the “wind,” “waves” and “rain” that can distract them from focusing on and drawing nigh to Jesus. The harder the wind and rain, the more I know it is vital for me to keep pushing on and going where the Lord is leading me, because He has something precious and beautiful prepared for me, either in my walk with the Lord, in my physical life, or both!

I am so thankful for the “stormy seas” the Lord brings into my life, because I know that without them I would not grow as much in my faith and trust in the Lord, and also because they cause me walking on water of uncertaintyto draw even closer to the Lord and His will for my life. Yes, I struggle with doubts and fears about what lies ahead and around me. I also know that the Lord is faithful to His promises, and that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose. I know that He has blessing exceedingly abundant in store for me as I follow His will for my life. I know as I draw nigh to the Lord, He will draw nigh to me as well and even in the darkest, scariest storms of fears and doubts He is still using those times to teach me to walk by faith on the waters of uncertainty. The beauty of drawing nigh to Him and seeing what precious plans He has for my life is always worth the storm He brings me through, and because of this I can walk confidently through the wind, waves and rain without worry or fear as long as I keep my eyes on Him, resting in His love and strength, and ever mindful that what He promises He will do.

What an amazing and precious Lord I have!!



Is Biblical Womanhood a Step Down for Today’s Woman?

Many conservative Christians today are stressing the return of women to God’s intended role as designated in the Scriptures. However, when one looks at how these women are representing that role, there seems to be a serious lack of vibrancy and strength. Women who are following God’s plan as defined in God’s Word are seen as little cheerleaders on the sidelines of their husband’s ministries and meek keepers at home. When the term “role” is used, it is defined as the plan God had for women when He designed them. In terms of “value” it is understood as value or worth in God’s eyes. The Biblical role and value of womanhood is sometimes inadvertently misrepresented by Christians and misunderstood by feminists due to the failure of some Christians to read and study God’s Word as a whole to thereby be able to accurately portray Biblical womanhood according to the whole context of the Scriptures. By consulting with God’s Word in its entirety, one can see that many of the disagreements between conservative Christian women and feminists can be nullified, or at least bring them to a place of understanding.

In reality, feminists and conservative Christian women have similar problems. Both are to some extent misunderstood by the other, and both display a certain degree of discomfort or hostility towards the other. Feminists feel conservative Christian women restrict natural vision and passion as well as reduce them to a demeaning place of servitude beneath men through their commitment to follow the Lord by becoming a keeper at home and living in submission to their husbands. Understandingly this portrayal of constant servitude and humbling before men many times causes feminists to shun Christianity and God’s Word altogether. In turn, conservative Christian women feel that feminists are desecrating their natural role through the feminist’s constant quest for equal rights with men and opportunities to grow in knowledge and influence. Because of a few of the more prominent immoderate feminists, conservative Christian women tend to feel that all feminists have an agenda to trample God’s specific design for women and to try to be more masculine in everything they do. The original goals of feminists were to bring them up from the purely domesticated and unprotected place they had fallen to in the mid-19th century. In the Old Testament, there were laws in place that helped protect women, and throughout the New Testament many commands were given to men that would demonstrate respect, honor and protection for the women in their lives. As history progressed, the emphasis began to be placed more on the domestic role of women versus the practical role of women, and more about the role than the value of women resulting in the general feeling of segregation between men and women.

According to God’s Word everyone is equal in God’s eyes, male and female alike, and nothing demonstrates this better than God sending His Son Jesus Christ to earth to die for the sins of the whole world. There are countless passages in Scripture that address the issue of salvation for “all,” “the world,” “whosoever,” and many others. “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus…There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Bible, Galatians 3:26-28, personal emphasis). Even in judgment God never discriminates between male and female “But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons” (Bible, Colossians 3:25, personal emphasis).

From the very beginning of Scripture God clearly defined the roles of both man and woman. Adam was first formed, then Eve. An interesting aspect to note is that God created woman from the side of man, not the hand or the foot (Bible, Genesis 2:21-22). This in itself symbolizes that a woman’s place is to be at the side of man, not above or beneath. While God created man and woman as equal in value, He designed them to have very different roles. Throughout Scripture the role of women is often interpreted as a purely domestic role, while the men are seemingly made more important by their authoritative position. Men and women were created as two very different beings, though both human. Women are naturally physically weaker and more emotional, and this is not a bad thing. They also tend to be more visionary and better planners than men. Men on the other hand are for the most part physically stronger, and are more systematic and cautious. This can cause them to be hesitant and slow at times, but again, this is not a bad thing. God created men and women physically and emotionally different to better perform the duties He planned for them.

For example, one of the most beautiful aspects of a biblical woman is motherhood. The grave importance of being a mother is often looked on as a low position, when in reality, there is often more done to change the world by being a good mother. “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world” (Wallace). Even throughout the records of the kings in the Old Testament, when there was a good king, his mother was almost always mentioned. Being a mother is one of the most challenging and difficult tasks given to mankind, and no one is more capable and qualified for this than a woman.

biblical-womanhood1           There are times when Christian women, particularly conservative Christian women,
tend to go past the Biblical role of womanhood by over-emphasizing the aspects of meekness and staying at home to the point of having no other purpose in life than to keep house and have babies. While these are a vital part of God’s design for women, true Biblical womanhood is so much more broad and valuable than that. When looking at the whole context of God’s Word one can see His design for women being one of great strength and passion, a role so great and precious He esteems their worth higher than rubies – the most precious of all gems and metals found in the whole of God’s Word (Bible, Proverbs 31:10) . Just one portion of God’s Word represents a truly virtuous woman as one who prompts trust from others, takes responsibility for the food and clothing of the household, is a strong and diligent worker, a business woman, attentive to the needy, is very wise, industrious, and is known in prominent places of the city for her virtue and assiduity (Bible, Proverbs 31:10-31).
Many times convictions and conclusions are based from small portions of Scripture and, whether unintentional or not, the rest of the passages are overlooked or not viewed in relation to the passage chosen.

For example, one scripture that is most often viewed with disagreement by feminists are portions from 1 Peter 3:1 and 6. “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands…Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (Bible, King James Version). Looking only at these verses, the Bible seems to portray the role of womanhood as a demeaning place of servitude. However, if one were to look at the entire context of this passage, a slightly different story would emerge. Not only does this passage give instruction to the women, but in verse 7 it also states an equivalent responsibility for the men. “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (Bible, King James Version). Just as the wife is to submit to her husband, the husband is to honor his wife. Each is given a challenge that is equally difficult for them to accomplish. The end of the verse also very clearly states their equality in God’s eyes by reminding the husband that they are “heirs together of the grace of life” (Bible, King James Version). Continuing further on in the passage, God continues to give instruction to both the husband and wife combined, “Finally, be ye all of one mind” (Bible, 1 Peter 3:8) and later goes even so far as to include the young and old alike, “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourself unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility…”(Bible, 1 Peter 5:5). Another important aspect of this passage that is overlooked comes right after the command to “be in subjection to your own husbands”, and that is “that, if any (husbands) obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (righteous living) of the wives” (Bible, 1 Peter 3:1). This verse clearly states the power of influence a good woman has on a man. Simply by living in godly submission she can cause her husband to recognize his own shortcomings and repent of his wrong. When anyone is constantly living with someone who is doing what is right, what will be seen in themselves but the wrong they are doing?

In order to relieve some of the tension between conservative Christians and feminists, it would be wise to awaken both sides to the realization that obeying God’s Word in His plan for women will in no way demean or make them of lesser value. If anything, it will give them even greater worth and purpose. If conservative Christians are made aware of how feminists may be reading their words and actions in relation to Biblical womanhood, they would become more open to becoming more fully informed and to discussing differences in order to clear up misunderstandings with the feminists around them. Likewise, giving feminists an accurate portrayal of Biblical womanhood could not only assist them in their understanding and cooperation with conservative Christians, but perhaps assist in opening their minds more to the truths of God’s Word and Christianity as a whole.